Okay, I seriously need the Internet to stop thinking I'm a fucking moron. Congratulations, you are the 50,000th visitor! Bull. Shit. I can never have a child, because I'd have to have the following talk with my child as soon as she/he was able to understand words (and yes, it would be complete with PowerPoint slides-click to enlarge):


The world is full of assholes who will try and take advantage of you, so watch out for them. Sometimes, they are hard to identify, but a lot of the time, they make themselves very obvious. For instance, when you see someone on Ebay trying to sell a brand new Revenge of the Sith shirt from ComicCon for $99 when the same exact shirt can be ordered from StarWars.com for $16.99, that person asshole is an asshole.


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The world is full of people who think you are stupid and greedy, so prove them wrong. When you visit a website and their unscrupulous advertiser tries to get you to install some application that will spy on you and potentially damage your computer
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, make sure you close that shit down real quick. Also, you have an obligation to write the owner of that website and tell him/her that you think he is dealing with shitheads for advertisers and that you think he should cut it out.


The world is full of people who don't care who they offend as long as it makes some money. You'd be wise to stay away from dealing with corporations and people who don't see the tastlessness of juxtaposing news about the beheading of a captive American with the results of a poll about "the best Death movie ever".


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I would have a hard time instilling any confidence in the human race into a new member.